It feels like a dejavu. I just read the note I wrote almost exactly two years ago and realized how hopeless it was that time and how I managed to get through it and win her heart back in the end.
I won her heart back after trying and hoping for six months.
On 2/08/2012 she sent a sms to me by surprise. it says " i think i m still in love with you" about 4 months after the break up. and On 20/10/2010 we got back into the relationship on her birthday. I was over the moon that night. It was the happiest day of my life.
1.5 year went passed and I thought I would never lose her again despite all the difficulties we had in between us. I thought I would b able to stay next to her soon and do the things that I was never able to do for her. I just wanted to be her shoulder to lean on and give her a hug when she just needs a cry.
I am not sure now if I would ever be able to do it for her anymore. Its my biggest wish throughout all these years because I felt sorry for her when she needed me and I just wasn't there.
She has someone else in her heart now and she said she didn't love me anymore. It's almost been 4 weeks that she left me and I am still waiting for her to come back. It's getting harder each day and sometimes I just feel like i can't do this anymore. But I will hold on to my hope and try to win her heart back again. I can't live without her and I can only keep trying. Days are getting harder and slower to pass by. I miss her a lot and I love her a lot. I got so many words building up in my chest. But I can't tell her any.
On one hand, I am hoping that she would go well with this other guy and I would always wish them a happy life although it will kill me. I just want her to be happy in the end either with me or without me. I can always stay in the dark and be there for her as a friend thoughout her life. But she won't need me any more right? when there is someone next to her. But i still want to be there for her.
On the other hand, I am hoping that she will let me try it all over again to jump start her heart and bring her back the memories and her love on me (similar to using a defibrillator as one last try) before giving it all up. I just cannot get her out of my heart. I am praying each day that she will come back to me soon.
There is a quote that I really like " Forget about all the reasons why it will not work. You only need one reason why it will "
